Losing It!

I got on my scale Friday morning and it said 221.  I was rather upset, disheartened.

Then Saturday night I put on my new little black dress.  It looks good!  Yes, I have some smoothing out I could do, a little curvier here and there but overall, except for the birthmark on my bum (where the angel kissed me when I was born) which is a small circular rise on my left hip area, I think I looked smokin’ hot, baby!  I received several compliments, a few in the form of male attention (!!!) but also a couple from women who I’ve been playing poker with for the past couple of years.  I was more than delighted!  My face hurt from smiling so much.

This morning, when I put on my dress for work, I had to cinch the belt to the hole furthest away from the end.  In order to continue using this belt as I lose, I’m going to have to punch a new hole in it.  (I vote I buy a new belt!)  I’m getting smaller, even if the weight isn’t just falling off.  Troy explained this would happen.  But.  I didn’t expect to bump into this yet.  I thought I’d drop several more pounds much sooner as I follow the yellow brick road to fitness; I like to see the change in my scale, not just my dress size.

I’m working hard.  Going to the gym four times per week, twice for weight training.  Today I did 1.65 miles in my 25 minutes at a rate of about 3.4 miles per hour.  My heart rate was steady around the ‘fat burn’ goal of 117’ish.  I know I should do more cardio.  At the moment though, I’m happy to be in the gym four times per week and I’m not going to kill myself trying to change my body in a few months.  I’ve contracted for a year.   I don’t want to burn out before I’ve barely begun.

Without too much convincing, Becki has embarked upon this great body-changing mission of mine.  She’s going to side-by-side weight train with me.  We can pick each other up, cajole each other on and go shopping for smaller sizes as we slim down.  Although I was ready and willing to do this on my own, I feel Becki’s support, mutually given, can make a world of difference on those days I feel less motivated.  She already knows I won’t shut up if she’s feeling the least bit lazy and I expect no less from her on my behalf!

At some point in my future, there is an abdominoplasty.  With four cesarean sections, my abdomen wall is more like a war zone than muscle.  I can’t imagine what it looks like from the inside but the outside makes me want to cry.  Not to mention the fact I have zero feeling from about two inches beneath my belly button to my pelvis bone.  I feel pressure only, no sensitivity whatsoever.  I doubt I’ll regrow nerve endings but hopefully I won’t have bruises show up without knowing how I got them!

I noticed I’m getting a little hungrier earlier in the day.  I used to go until about 11:30 AM before I felt the need to eat lunch, but now, sometime around 10 AM, I’m feeling peckish.  I’m going to buy some FiberOne Cereal and some roasted peanuts on payday this week and keep them in my filing cabinet at work.  I’ve been bringing fresh strawberries, eating about five of them for a morning hunger saver.  They go bad too quickly; I can’t eat them fast enough!  The kids will inhale and I’ll feel better about the $1.75 I spend on a quart of strawberries which get fully eaten vs. the ten strawberries I might eat at work.

Another thing.  My girls are shrinking.  I’m not sure how I feel about this particular change.  My DD’s are down to a D.  As a young girl, I was the President of the Itty, Bitty, You-Know-What Committee.  I remember, with fond recollection, the time my Mom told my Dad she was taking me to shop for bras.  My Dad actually reached into a cabinet, extracted a box of band-aids and offered them to me!  (Laughter is always the best medicine!)  I was a late bloomer!  I remember despairing any kind of real growth would occur!  And now, I’m watching them…. shrink.  Nooooooooooooo! When will the madness end???