Losing It!

I’m feeling kind of… melancholy.

The entire family took Rebekah to college on Friday!  Road trip!  It was different being the lead car.  My Mom and Dad were always my lead car and now here I am, the Mom, in the lead car, while Joshua drove his car behind me.   It was an odd feeling.

Rebekah is attending university on a small campus.  I guess there are only about 400 students total, which sounds pretty cozy to me.  Having come from a graduating high school class of 650-odd students, this will be a nice change for Rebekah, more of a small town atmosphere vs. Katy/Houston.  I’m very excited for her!

Hannah is with her sperm donor this weekend.  Joshua is still at TJ’s and Ashley’s house, having been gone since Friday after we dropped Bekah off.  Matthew is at work and Ally is still asleep in their bedroom.

The house is quiet.

This is what it will be like when all of my children have grown up and moved away.  I’ve thought about this day often.  Since I’m still single and very much a people person – the first-born of five of a third born of nine (Mom) and a second born of four (Dad) and mother of  four myself, I have always had lots of commotion around me every day.  Very rarely am I alone with just my thoughts to keep me company.  This will be interesting.

I scrambled a few eggs and made a double espresso for myself.

As I think about what I will do with all my extra time, I think of how tidy my house will be with only me to mess it up!  I think of all the crocheting I can get done while I sit, watching movies, etc.  Lots of blankets and little baby things will be spun off my hook.  I am looking forward to this!  I’ve thought about volunteering at a local hospital, perhaps in the children’s wards or a local elderly home.  I remember visiting my grandfather at the Episcopal Church Home up in New York before he passed away many years ago.  I could definitely be a ray of sunshine!  I’ve also thought very, very seriously about fostering older children.  If there’s one thing I’ve done well, not perfectly mind you, but well, is be a Mom.  I always wanted a larger family and I have so much love in my heart for children of all ages.  I have great experience with children who have brain disorders, who learn and attend differently.  I would be a good foster Mom.  I could even adopt, too.

I need to finish getting my degree in English.  I think I’m going for a psych minor.  I’ve toyed with a history minor as well.  Once obtained, I could volunteer to teach children in different countries who aren’t as blessed as the United States (not that the US is the be all, end all, but we are definitely a nation blessed).  Sometimes I contemplate a psych major.  I would be an excellent social worker or guidance counselor.  But would I be able to leave my work at the front door when I come home every evening or would I continue to fret over situations of neglect and/or child abuse long after?  A serious consideration.

But I don’t know what’s in the plan for Donna.  In the dark of the night when I wake up alone, it’s just me and God.  He and I have had many interesting conversations; I think they’re conversations anyway.  I usually do most of the talking but fall back into a secure sleep once I’ve had them, so I know He’s heard me.  I’ll probably have a lot more time for daytime conversations with Him once all my kids have moved out.

For now though, it’s me and Hannah.  She still has a few years left of learning to do before she, too, can fly the coop.  I very much look forward to watching her blossom as I have watched each of my previous three.  My Mom tells me Hannah is most like me which means we’re at odds A LOT.  I am hoping this changes as Joshua, Matthew and Rebekah move on with their lives.  It will be different for Hannah just having her Mom around.

Motherhood has been my most rewarding and fulfilling task to date.  I wonder what comes next?